the one with the wanting things to be over

i've had this strange realization lately about myself... i no longer look forward to things, i look forward to them being over. i used to have days when i would look forward to the next wedding, the next vacation, the next everything. i find myself wishing things to be over with thoughts of stress and anxiety floating around in my brain. when did i turn into such a worry wart? i think not looking forward to things makes me not enjoy them as much when they come. when something is approaching be it a wedding, a phone call, a vacation - i get this sickening feeling in my stomach that something will go horribly awry. and until it is finally over i feel a sense of relief not one of elation. i think i have this worry that i will let someone down and the feeling of defeat can knock me to the ground. i worry that the bride won't like her pictures, that i will forget some crucial detail, that i'll say the wrong thing, take someone on a trip and them not enjoy it, hurt someone, cause drama, pick the wrong house. oy - just thinking about it makes my head hurt. from now on i will try to look forward to all of the exciting things in my life instead of facing them with a heart of panic and dread.